Man of Steel–Review


Dear Superman,

My name is Chris.  I’m your biggest fan!  I’m also adopted and have blue eyes.  I hope I’ll grow up to be just as tall as you.  I do not think I will ever be as handsome.  I just finished watching Man of Steel.  I’m sorry to say, but I hated it!

I just didn’t like it as much as Superman II, which I watch on my VCR every day.  The new movie makes you look mean and sad.  Why is that?  I prefer it when you are funny and happy.  I also didn’t feel like I knew you.  You don’t really get to have fun with your cool powers.  Like, for example, when you start to fly, I never felt like I was flying with you.  You went too fast!  You also talk like a robot and many times you don’t talk at all.  When you fight the bad guys, my ears and eyes hurt.  I couldn’t follow along and almost took a nap after a while.  When you fight General Zod, I couldn’t understand what hurts you and what doesn’t.  It kinda felt like Transformers.  Did you like Transformers?  I didn’t!  It was okay that this movie told me where you came from.  I didn’t know you came from Pandora.  I didn’t know your two dads were so cold.  Maybe you should start asking your moms for advise.  Kevin Costner acts like an army guy.  I’m glad he’s not my dad.  Plus, he does something very, very stupid in the movie.  I did like Lois Lane.  The red-headed actress was very serious, which is good, because Lois should be…at times.  I don’t know if she’s the right woman for you.  I don’t see you two clicking when you two talk.  You can do better.  I liked how you looked in this movie.  You look tough!  But you kinda bored me.  You always talked about important things and many things I didn’t understand. 

Man of Steel feels like Superman’s I and II combined.  But it went by so fast.  I felt cold, tired, angry and frustrated.  Superman, I don’t understand why you had to be like Batman.  In fact, those Dark Knight movies feel light and fluffy in comparison.  Did you watch The Avengers?  I think your new movie should be more like that!  I don’t like it when you brood.  I’m happy you’re back in movies, but I think this is the worst one I’ve ever seen.  Yes, even worse than Part IV, which at least tried to make me smile.  I feel sad now.  Can you try to do better next time?  You’re still my favorite and will always be.

Your pal,

Chris
(1983)

P.S.  I would stay away from Zack Snyder.  He scares me.

One thought on “Man of Steel–Review

  1. Anonymous June 14, 2013 / 11:18 pm

    Sorry son, sounds like a bummer. I know how much Superman was your hero. You watched and identified with him as he saved the world from the evil doers. Sounds like he has to return to his roots. We all go astray at times and it takes our loved ones to help us get back on track…Hope he listens.

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