It’s the year 2015! Marty McFly, a teenage time-traveler arrives 30 years into the future and tours a strange version of his hometown of Hill Valley. He spots flying cars, robot waiters, fax machines plugged into every room and a holographic preview for the upcoming film Jaws 19! “The shark still looks fake,” Marty muses.
Well, as we fast approach the actual 2015, promises of car flight are quickly being squandered — nevermind any promises of hover boards or self-drying jackets. The writers of Back to the Future Part II couldn’t even foresee the most viable form of telecommunication: cell phones! Nor could they have predicted such devises would become the most coveted item in the known universe! (How many people read the news on Syrian crisis? Now how many people opened news media the moment Apple announced the Iphone 5c? I rest my case!) In fact, the future is so incorrect, it even shows a stupid teenager grabbing for fruit from a futuristic kitchen tray, when, in reality, the kid probably grab something way less healthy — from a bowl.
But a Jaws 19!? Maybe the notion of successful film franchises reaching extreme installment numbers has become less of a joke and more of a sad reality. Despite being two years away, the Internet (another unforeseen technological wonder. Sorry fax machines!) has provided us with some semblance of a magic globe to prepare us for the coming future events. There’s a string of announcements to help us prophesize the cinematic output of 2015, which will surely become the biggest summer in Hollywood history. Naturally, they’re all established franchises.
Let’s begin:
Mission Impossible (TBA): I defend Mr. Tom Cruise to this day. Despite his recent stable of underperformers, I suspect Tom will be running victory laps the next time he scales laser sights (and sofa seat cushions) in his fifth secret mission. MI4 was the best installment yet; its episodic structure allowed the franchise liberties to reinvent itself and incurred the same level stress-inducing tension across multiple continents. It remains a passable franchise that will hopefully ride high off its rehabilitation delivered by Pixar director, Brad Bird for the last outing.
Fantastic Four (March): The first two dreadful films left Fox with an uphill battle to climb. A second attempt with only generate comparisons between this and the recent batch of successful team-based heroics, which I doubt Fox can overcome. A rebranded Fantastic Four is a desperate attempt by the studio to ignite a fresh franchise and possible larger universe shared with the X-Men, another saga facing its twilight years. It simply five years too late. Flame out!
Harry Potter spinoffs (TBA): I truly enjoyed this series, even if I always felt that it was essentially five films stretched out into eight: There’s new teacher who’s reveal to be a servant to Valdemort; Harry and crew mope around the library for hours and discuss their predicament; Valdemort takes four films to gestate from fetus to a noseless Ralph Fiennes and takes another four to be vanquished. Now the saga is being elongated even further. With the Potter group facing adulthood (both onscreen and off) there’s the obvious inclination to spring a new crop of films about the next generation. But Potter’s world rested solely on the holy scriptures of J.K. Rowling. Without her direct involvement — there’s promises she’ll churn out the screenplays, but I doubt she’ll have full authorship — there’s a danger that Potter’s successors will lack the same magic. Plus, the saga needs time to foment. Let’s enjoy the Muggle world for a little while longer.
Jurassic Park (Summer): I want a Jurassic Parkfilm that builds upon Steven Spielberg’s foundation that’s surrounded by 50 miles of electrical fence and the most aggressive carnivorous animals we’ve ever seen. (Seriously, are raptors smart enough to open doors but dumb enough after already downing two humans, one of whom was Samuel L. Jackson? Maybe they’d be satisfied if they got first dibs on Wayne Knight…) The Jurassic Park franchise had already run tired by the second film. The villains were restricted to being single-minded angry predators who roared, destroyed and pursued. The friendly herbivores were slowly demoted to brief money shots, which gave opportunities to parade John Williams’ fabulous musical theme. An ideal Jurassic Park sequel would be a film in which the park actually opened and was greeted with thousands of tourists. Obviously, we can expect mass carnage. But perhaps the next installment will propel beyond the monster-around-the-corner gimmick. It’s been 20 years and special effects are no longer dazzling enough to break records. This installment capitalize on the a more original conception rather than the dull monster movies they ultimately became. Otherwise, just keep these dinosaurs extinct.
Star Wars (TBA): When the scroll reveals Episode VII, it will be ten years since the last Star Wars installment put a final ribbon on Lucas’ second trilogy outing into a galaxy far, far away. But, unlike Harry Potter, this series’ newest trilogy might benefit without the involvement of its creator. Although director J.J. Abrams is not the second coming that so many “Lost” junkies decree, he’s a proven master at making fun, albeit disposable films. The inevitably announcement of returning veterans Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher and a very cantankerous Harrison Ford may pose a double-edged lightsaber for the franchise. However, Disney has maintained the integrity of its recently acquired properties (Marvel, Pixar) and could produce a saga that won’t necessarily reinvent, but might provide a respectable return to form and undo the damage left behind from the prequels. It is a franchise I await with trepidation, but with a morsel of new hope.
Avengers 2: Age of Vultron (May): I gotta concede that Marvel is not brushing aside its nerdy origins with a title like that. Unlike Abrams’ Star Trek, Avengers aims to broaden its comic-book influence rather than its audience. Given the original’s $1.5. billion intake worldwide, I’d argue that’s a safe tactic: You already got the world’s attention…just keep em happy! Disney’s hold on Downey for two more installments was the wisest move: You can make do without Iron Man for a while, but you can’t live without him with Avengers. The only obstacle may be the two more years we must wait, which will provide a series of tests on the longevity on its supporting players like the Cap’n and Thor.
Finding Dory (June): Pixar possesses the power to make me cry more than any other studio (or most life events for that matter). But their feeble attempts to dip back into the ocean have caused me emotional turmoil in other ways. All may turn ok for the Finding Nemo sequel with the return of original scribe/director Andrew Stanton, which may keep this fish from getting flushed straight down the toilet. Meanwhile, Pixar’s most bankable sequel The Incredibles remains MIA and their original, daring concepts are being slowly swept away.
Bond (November): One of cinema’s institutions remains licensed to kill after 50 years! Bond’s most recent adventure was one of the best and the upcoming sequel’s plans to restore some of its classic Bond motifs is a welcome one — even though it leaves the skeptic in me wondering how long it will before Daniel Craig starts surfing giant tidal waves and absconding inside invisible vehicles. Bringing Skyfall director Sam Mendes back for another adventure leaves me hopeful. Now just give Bond a decent beverage preference (Heineken??). I’m thirsty for some vodka martinis, shaken or stirred.
Batman/Superman (July)/JLA? Warners faces a dire franchise shortfall. I cannot decree which decision is worse: Potter or DC? Either option is a lame-duck, but Warner’s attempt to emulate the Marvel formula a losing battle. I won’t bore you with my criticisms, which I admit grow as tiresome as Zack Snyder’s action sequences. The studio’s questionable casting choices, its second-place finish, and lack of an original vision make DC’s crusade into the seemingly invulnerable comic-book craze may start to hit Kryptonite.
Independence Day 2 (July): Will Smith’s recent box office faltering means that he’ll join the ranks of Harrison Ford, Stallone, Cruise, and Schwarzenegger with a return-to-roots career resuscitation. But ID4, a film I truly loath, is overwhelming lauded by my friends and family for its seemingly innocent and fun ride. If ID4 2 (or is it ID2, ID42??) sinks into dark, cynical territory (Man of Steel!) in keeping with the current movie trends, it will garner yawns and disdain. Plus, Hollywood’s ramped world destruction model has worn audiences down in 2013. The first film has demolished our favorite landmarks with director Roland Emmerich destroying the rest of them in his inferior follow-ups. May the aliens’ ship stall before they try for a second invasion attempt!
As long we’re discussing franchises, perhaps a Back to the Future Part 4 is within walking distance. Despite the true 2015’s stark contrast from that which was prophesized back in 1989, there will still be movies, many of which are accompanied by a numeral.
“The aliens still look fake!!”
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