Never trust a trailer! Well, duh! But this seemingly universal guideline cut deep with 2013’s sheer number of overhyped tentpole features – all marketed very well – which crashed faster than Superman’s Metropolis or Kirk’s starship. A touch of editing, sound and music enhancements have majestically condensed, reshaped and rescored feature-length tripe into 90-minute seductions, which inevitably spurned a vehement, crazed global frenzy that quickly dissipated,.
In fact, marketing has ballooned into a do-or-die success threshold. But as a consequence, there are multiple liberties being taken to oversell or flat-out deceive audiences. And marketers are continuously improving how to trick us into buying their products.
There was a time when marketers failed; when a trailer failed to sell. It was dependent on word-of-mouth to succeed where the commercial side failed.
Take, for example, the preview for the first Hangover. It’s opening weekend was strong, but it quickly became the talk-of-the-town which gave the film its legs. The trailer was so abysmal that my reaction mirrored the same grimace I usually reserve for those times when I apply lip balm to my chapped lips. The trailer omitted all of the laughs, mainly because the humor was so reliant on situations and pre-established plot-point rather than meager punch lines and gimmicks. The jokes didn’t translate. Instead, the initial trailer created the impressions that it was all just another dumb, gross-out, one-note joke; the kind of film produced at least once a month.
However, hype has become the greatest marketing strategy and the craftsmen have masterfully converted underperformers such as Star Trek Into Darkness and Man of Steel. The trailers filled in the holes from the full product: orchestrating something dramatic and engaging. The heart and soul invoked within two minutes that was completely missing in the 150 minute final cut. Steel’s trailer alone took a piece of cow manure and bedazzled it to look like chocolate cake. If we need to add another Oscar category (you all know you do) then it should be for BEST TRAILER.
To judge a year, wait until next year! I refuse to cobble together a “Best of” lists before the year ends. There’s literally too many gems still hovering in the indie-circuit stratosphere, such as Spike Jonzes’ Her, which won’t land in my viewing area until next month. The quandaries of being a film nut in a moderate-sizedcity.
Make more time for cinema. There was an age when I could pull double duty; reviewing two Oscar-contenders back-to-back. Yet, with most films veering dangerously close to the three-hour mark, performing a double-header began to feel like a marathon run. Next year, I will own up to the gasoline hike and make more trips rather attempt to gather to refuel my tolerance tank after another exhausting Hobbit excursion.
Leave the tablet and phone. I’m becoming bored with so many today’s movies; I’ll retreat from identity Thief with a quick glance at my tablet or laptop. With my addiction to vast quantities of gadgets and devises, I felt this close to plummeting into the depths of ADD – where I’d be unable to simply sit and watch and disappear into a world provided on my humble television/theater screen. But then I saw a couple of beauties (for next year’s Nevermore; not The Hobbit), where I was completely mesmerized. But with so many dull spats, I’m become prone to checking email and texts while a needless waste of celluloid eats away at my lifespan. For 2014, I refuse to be a slave to gadgets – just to a good story.
Never super-size popcorn and drink. Yes, paying top dollar for the large quantaties of food and drink sounds like a bargain, especially when free refills are in order. But as you pass the age of 30, your digestive tract, cholesterol level and pocketbook would thank you for downsizing. Unless you plan on trekking across the Mojave Desert in the near future, you should make do with just one 64oz Pepsi.
The Hollywood Stars System is DEAD. If you look closely at marketing, it’s changed. Star power has slowly withered away to the point that we even marketers keep the cast list on the down low. “Movie stars” like Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, Tom Cruise, Christian Bale, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts were all given $20 million to insure a film’s success. But today’s audience walk into theater with trepidation about who’s in a film. They want to see Hunger Games – not Jennifer Lawrence.
Worst Effect: Jason Bateman fends off a ridiculous-looking CGI python in Identity Thief. Apparently they used a real one, but the effect was even worse.
Worst Line: Zod’s playground banter with Superman reaches a laugh-inducing crescendo. “Where did you learn to fight?!? On a FARM!!??” By this point, I cared little regarding who {SPOILER} snapped whose neck.
Worst Stunt: Vin Disel leaps across a bridge and catches co-star, Michelle Rodriguez. Not only does Vin change her trajectory, but lands (and demolishes) a car, which he later recalls had “broken his fall.”
Worst Film: The Hangover Part III: A sad, pathetic screenplay in which most of the principals look sad to be there. A joyless, humorless cash-in that should never have been made. Watch the first and then stop.
And Welcome 2014! This past year wasn’t all bad. The Christmas season has presented us with lots of options and the season has already been heralded as one of the best. Unfortunately, time has not been kind to me and I have neglected to truly appreciate the many positives of the 2013 film year. However, my final resolution has to be kinder to myself and see these beauties – if not in the theater, then through the magic of streaming, DVD and bluray. May 2014 continue to produce films that inspire, stimulate and educate. And may I personally have a better year so I can walk into the theater with a newly minted optimism for whatever this wonderful medium has to offer – to 2014, to infinity and beyond!
Happy New Year – and good screening to you!
Chris
chrissantucci.wordpress.com 